awesome

This is not mine, just what someone forwarded, but it's awesome so i'm putting it here.

(With that low monotonous Detective voice) I was sitting in my office when a case came in. So I finished two bottles from it.I was tough, so tough I wore my clothes out from the inside.Suddenly a tall blonde walked past my window. I knew she was tall because I was on the second floor.The phone rang and I knew something was wrong. I didn't have a phone.It was a girl and she was in trouble. I knew she was, 'cause she said so.I raced down the stairs and called a cab. The cab stopped with a jerk.Then the jerk got out and I got in.We took the corner at hundred kilometres per hour, but a cop stoppedUs and told us to put the corner back.We kept on the pavement, because there was a sign that said:"Keep Death Off Our Roads".Then we were out of the city. I knew it, because we were not hitting so many pedestrians.As we came to her house, she greeted me with a burning kiss.Then she Took the cigarette out and kissed me again.She pointed two thirty-eights at me. She also had a gun.She had the most beautiful blonde hair I have ever seen - hanging from her left nostril.She had teeth like the ten commandments - all broken.She also had the most beautiful eyes - so beautiful that the one eye could not stop looking at the other one.There was a man on the floor. He had stab wounds in his heart, bullet wounds in his head and his wrists were slashed.He was dead.I said: "Lady, if this man was alive, he sure would be ill".So I took her for a drive to calm her nerves.Suddenly a brick came flying through the window and hit her on the left breast - breaking three of my fingers.We had a flat tyre, so I pumped and she pumped and I pumped.Then we got out and fixed the flat tyre.Then I took her home and as I was kissing her goodnight, her father opened the door and stepped on my back, almost breaking it.As I was giving her a final good-night kiss, she closed her legs and broke my nose.Now I am more careful on my assignments.